• How appropriate: The trial is on the way

    Last night I wrote and rewrote my blogs on:

    Is there meaning in tragedy? Why does GOD allow this to happen?

    Help people, who contemplate suicide. Or are you desperate yourself?

    Who’s fault is it that I am miserable?

    Depression/ Bipolar Help and cure

    Today I can put all my ” wisdom” into practice, because tragedy hit my family again.

    We experienced tremendous joy when both of our daughters informed us of the good news that we will be become grandparents at the same time twice, because their due dates are 4 days apart. Beginning of December of this year we will have 2 new family members in our midst.

    My youngest daughter and son in law have 2 children close together and are overjoyed they all can grow up close together.

    My oldest daughter has 1 stepson 14 years of age and one son  6 years old . For 5 years they were hoping to have another child, but until now nothing happened. The first birth for my oldest daughter was a real trip: 6 month flat in bed and baby was born 6 weeks too early. But he is a cool little boy now and all that horrific pregnancy is passed!  Now they were looking forward to have this new baby with no problems. First 3 doctor visits confirmed: No issues, all is well, until this morning, when we found out the baby is dead- has been dead for a short while.

    I can’t stop crying, because I hurt so much for my daughter, who is a terrific mother and wanted so much to have another buddy, male or female, for her sons. Family is very important to all of us. We all already started to make things for the new babies. My daughter just finished making a baby carrier yesterday………… I started making our traditional family felt Christmas stocking, because they take a long time to make and with 2 additions I have to hurry up, even though it is only May.

    But now……. nothing but sadness.

    Thank God, He is always near in times like this, though my daughter and her husband do not want any comfort right now. They choose to deal with this on their own. They are so disappointed, may be mad, discouraged that they do not want any comfort, besides a hug and wishing it would all go away. They lashing out in their agony and everything goes on their nerves. Totally understandable, but not good for them.

    My husband and I deal with it by talking this over with God. My husband being terminally ill has a real set back due to his emotional stress. But he knows, his help comes from the Lord and he can cast his cares on God, because He cares for him, for our children and finds comfort in the fact that we have another grandchild in heaven – we have 3 other ones there.

    I can best describe how I  cope with it: I don’t.  I can’t. I hurt too much for my daughter.

    I let God have His way: I raised our daughter, a was a strong willed child, who broke the mold. Dr. Dobson wrote a book about strong willed children, but never even touched the tip of the iceberg to help with my child. I made many mistakes raising her, because at that time I was not dead to self as I am now. I always had cliques and expectations about her awesome character traits, thinking she HAD to go to college, because she has a brilliant mind and free scholarship due toher GPA. I kind of forced her to go against her will. She ditched college to help with inner city vacation camps without pay, also not my idea what she should do with her life. But in time I learned not to project my expectations of my children and allow them to live according to their choices, even though I do not agree with, see conflicts, because I have discernment, which is a curse in some cases.

    I  take my concerns to God and here is how He the answers in very practical terms to help me over come my sorrow in a little while:

    Psalm 120:

    In my distress I cried unto the Lord,

    and he heard me. ( He listens to my crying  and acts on it)

    Psalm 121

    I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills,

    from whence cometh my help. (TRUST! We live in the hills of Pennsylvania so help is locally, where ? God knows)

    My help cometh from the Lord,

    which made heaven and earth. (He knows what He is doing and is very capable)

    He will not suffer my foot to be moved: ( I/We will not walk into defeat and sorrow further)

    he that keepeth me will not slumber. ( He watches over me/us)

    Behold, he that keepeth Israel

    shall neither slumber nor sleep. (Israel is a testimony how the whole world is against/ hates one little country, yet God delivers them daily from their enemies)

    The Lord is my keeper: (I, who are dead to self and safe in His hands)

    the Lord is my shade upon my right hand. ( I have to keep working as He watches and shields)

    The sun shall not smite thee by day,

    nor the moon by night. ( Not a moment in the day where I/we will be defeated by nature)

    The Lord shall preserve me from all evil: ( No evil will triumph over me/us)

    He shall preserve my soul. ( My soul ( mind) is save when thinking on God and His plans)

    The Lord shall preserve my going out and my coming in

    from this time forth, and even for evermore. ( My/Our future is secure, whereever we are and go for God).

    I praise God for our little grand-baby to be save with Him and KNOW He will make something beautiful for the life of our daughter and son in law, because that is just what He always does: makes everything beautiful in HIS time. He knows the beginning from the end, because He IS the Alpha and Omega. Because the Lord is not a respecter of persons, HE  will do the same thing for my daughter and son in law. He will be their counselor and their comforter, even if they do not want to listen right now and their sorrow is so deep that they can’t be comforted. I entrust my children into the Lord’s hands, who is the lover of our souls and has a master plan for our lives. My response is to cry for them, to talk to God for them and stand in the gap of intercessory prayer, if they like it or not.

    In my sorrow it always helps me to praise God , thank Him and feed my soul with music that reflects God’s character. God says the inhabits the praise of His people= Is with the person , who thanks Him. I thank Him for bringing us out of the valley of the shadow of death and set our feet NOT on pills, alcohol, coping mechanisms, psychological tricks and fantasies, but on the solid ROCK, Jesus Christ’s example. We can rejoice through our tears, because Jesus defeated death permanently forever and we will get to meet our grandchildren, who are gone before us, soon.


    let me know if I can pray for you: Contact me

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