• My story

    Living 62 years, my story is very long, but I am not sure anybody is interested, because every person alive has a cool story about who they are, what they do and why they do it.


    I was born in East Germany, came to West Germany as a 5-year-old with my family: My older brother and sister and both parents. My parents left our family farm with ONE = 1 suitcase between the 5 of us to be free from socialism. They risked our lives for that freedom. You can see I come from a long line of free thinkers, freedom lovers, over-comers.

    My parents, who went through WW2 raised me atheist, teaching us: “ There is NO god!” which was really wonderful, because I was not indoctrinated into any religious “stuff”. People think it’s weird, when I say I hate religion- ALL forms of religion, yet: Every other breath I take I say something about God, Lord, Jesus. What’s up with that?”


    Here is the very logical explanation:

    I studied in my teens about religion on my “quest” to find out, if there is any god. I decided my parents are correct. That was one of the few things I agreed with them on as a teen. God must have had mercy on my parent even then since they survived my teen years. School taught evolution, which made perfect sense since I never questioned it.

    Very liberating! UNIL I found out there  really MUST HAVE BEEN a creator.

    When I was 28 years old I figured out there is a real, honest to goodness God, who created us. That really put  a damper on my freedom loving, independent carefree  existence.

    I had my first child and the wonder of it all, the mess I made with my marriage all lead to a point to figure out what life is all about and why I all of the sudden I was so “dumb”, got so domestic, exchanged my freedom for marriage and motherhood. I really NEVER wanted to get married. Why bother?   And now I had “responsibilities” and had NO idea how to handle all of this. Babies do not come with instruction manuals, neither do husbands. There was not anybody to ask. There was not anybody to care.


    Then it happened: God made Himself so “real” to me, that I could not deny that He existed. At first I was very uncomfortable with this because I did not think I was a “good” person. I had the impression that one has to be “ good”- whatever that relative term means- to approach God if there was the good God, who created the earth like it says in Genesis.

    To make the story not so boring: God is and if HE is God, I can’t be my own god, else He is not God at all.

    The Bible said to  be born again, give up your ways and follow Jesus. In other words: Make a commitment to God. Now here was the clincher: NO WAY IN MY RIGHT MIND was I going to make another commitment/ covenant / contract in my life!!!!!!! I committed to be married to my husband until death. What a dumb idea that was! That commitment got me stuck in the first place!


    But here is the thing: God was so incredibly loving, so perfect, so patient, so convincing that His ways are best for me, that on Friday,  10.18.1981 at 8 am at my kitchen table in Baltimore, Maryland I committed my life to God.

    Just like that! No altar, no fanfare. Nothing happened that I could see, though I KNOW now that God was very please save this nutcase of a woman, who had NO clue about anything in life, NO clue about the Bible, NO terminology of Bible lingo, NO concept of God at all. All I knew there really is God and He is REAL and He loves me of all people!!!!


    NEXT: I came across Christian Radio. Learned a lot, but some things made no sense. That was maybe a good thing, looking at from today’s perspective.


    NEXT: I felt lead to go to a church, little apprehensive. It was a small fellowship in  Parkville: Hillendale Bible Chapel. There was a morning lady Bible study WITH CHILD CARE! My selfish ambition to not be a siamese twin to my daughter had me attending. BUT you were not allowed to do anything, not even smoke in the bathroom. I was just smoking cigarettes, nothing else. I couldn’t smoke in the front door either. However, I did learn a lot about what you ARE allowed to do, which was very nice. Sad to say, I could not understand one thing about all their “hang-ups”. At the time, the ladies studied the life of King David. He was definitely not my type. I don’t like monarchy anyway. They said it was his fault that he got Bathsheba pregnant. In MY option, it was her fault to bath naked where he could see her. That is always a good way to attract a man. What is the beef? They told me I have to start looking at things in life from God’s perspective and read my Bible. So I had to figure out what God’s perspective is. I never considered God even HAS an opinion!


    NEXT: I read my Bible, which gives God’s opinion in detail. Every other word I could not understand. I had my parents send me a German Bible. They about fell over! Lo and behold my Mom had a Bible from my deceased grandmother. Good thing too, since my Mom would have never paid good money for one. Well, the German Bible was not any better because it was so opposite how I was raised. I got a dictionary to “translate” the words and it STILL did not mean beans. So I told God, if He wants me to read that stuff, He will have to just help me to figure it out, since by the time I am researching the words, I already forgot what the text was all about. Guess what! I never needed another dictionary, encyclopedia, thesaurus again. Granted, I do not understand all of it, but what I need to know God tells me as I read. Maybe not right then and there immediately, but when the occasion arises. Like: I drive down the road and have a problem/issue/ hurt. I talk to God that this is not something I like and what is He going to do about it. You see, when we follow Jesus, we are bought with a price. We are no longer our own. So if we have a problem, God has a problem to fix, not us, who can’t do really nothing about it, just make a bigger mess. Anyway: So as I ask God about what to do (also called prayer), He “answers me” and gives me the solution as to what to do. No, not in an audible voice, but like this: He brings to remembrance what I read in the Bible, or what I know about a Bible character or a biblical historical or scientific fact. Kind of like this: There is a need and God answers by bringing to remembrance how He fixed that need in the Bible. Food shortage: Jesus multiplied the little food there was. Elijah did the same thing. Emotional hurt (I no longer live by emotion or impression, but I did one time and many people do): Jesus touched people and wept with them their sorrow. He healed or let people go their way. David experienced a child dying. How bad is that?!?!? So God shows me what these people in the Bible did about their emotions, hurts and pains, situations they can’t handle. How cool is that to have God work things out for youNeedless to say: My favorite thing to do is to read my Bible.


    NEXT I put into practice what I read and God impresses me to do. Some things are often let’s say: peculiar. But I do it anyway. Like today. I thought I was going to work on my patterns, but God said to write my story. So much for great business opportunity! But all that is totally under God’s control. It is HE who gives the increase, not my effort. As long as I have this “relationship” with God and our conversation with each other is not hindered by my imperfection called “sin” (other words for sin is hurt, shortcomings) me and my household will be okay, even if the whole world around me crumbles (trust me it does a lot hahaha, even literally at times).

    One biggest interruption of that fellowship with God for all of us is to harbor grudges or unforgiveness. But you can read all that yourself.


    NEXT: And here is the kicker: Even though I am totally committed, yet I am totally free, just as Jesus said He would do. I am not trapped into anything: No drugs, no cigarettes, no alcohol, no relationships, no pills, no environment……….. nothing stands in the way of total freedom! I did not have that as an atheist. I had to always strive for something: Money, acceptance, security, clout, you name it! I had to “fight” for my rights, my status….. and I was never satisfied. Sure, I did not know that life is eternal then. Not knowing helped me not to be afraid of anything. Like, I did not fear death, because I was too much fighting for a successful life. I did not care how long  I live, because life is short anyhow, and you need to get as much out of it as you can NOW. I actually know that to be true as believer how short life is. But I also know we are eternally created and we NEVER die. HOW do I know that? Because God never lied before. It is not His nature, unlike religious gods, who lie and have to keep their followers happy and in line, else they might find truth and desert their little religious game plan.


    NEXT: God leads me to have accountability partners. One is my husband ( yeah the very one!), but I also have friends, who are my accountability partners besides. I am part of a church and I am accountable to my pastor. That is just how God sets things up, because if we are not part of God’s church, we are starting a new religion. God has only ONE church and that is the Bride of Christ, according to the Bible. God is not a Methodist, not Muslim, not Catholic, not Buddhist,  not  Hare Krishna, not even  Christian or Jewish!! And no, just because I attend Calvary Chapel, He is not even from THAT denomination. I will go to any church God sends me. You might be surprised to learn God even send me to a Wicca church, though that was a bust I think, because they cleared out of there like darts, when I started asking questions. I only had ONE captive lady to talk to me and that was just because she had to lock up the place, not that she really wanted to talk to me.

    I love everybody and have a heart for people, who are lied to and believe something that is not true. You see: It makes absolutely NO difference WHAT we believe. God gives ALL of us the freedom to believe anything we like. But that will not change God and who HE is!  God CAN’T change: He always was this way and He always will be like He is in His essence, namely LOVE and TRUTH. Just because we believe something we like to believe makes it only so in OUR mind. Often God will not even take what we believe as a suggestion. I have found God ALWAYS has the better idea about things. Believe me, I am full of suggestions and creative solutions in a lot of subjects. God and I go around and around at times about the whys and hows of lifeSo far His ways were always better than what I could ever ask or think.


    There is no other NEXT: God is God and I am not and as long as I live I am in this relationship with God, not only now here on earth, but for all eternity. I KNOW  100% I am saved from God’s wrath to come, because God says so and He always keeps His word.

    My Muslim friends, who cannot understand this, often ask me: “ What if you are mistaken? What if all this “relationship” is only in your head?” That is a very legitimate question and here is the answer:


    First of all: God says: Signs and wonders are following those, who believe. That statement makes a dent into reality, meaning: If God is only in my head, then how come my reality is lived on a daily basis with these unreal signs and wonders, which are answers to prayer????  I possibly can not change the weather, heal myself, make people do the things they do. God created the world we live in. He uses US, His children, to be the salt of the earth, bring light to this decaying world,  to bring His will about. He is the one, who equips us to do His will. I can not do anything about getting a job for a person in Hong Kong, or buy a car for someone in Indonesia, or avoid misfortune somewhere. But He can, and does through us, if we let Him.


    And the ultimate answer to the question, if I am wrong and just follow my “wishful thinking” is this: I have the best life on earth that anybody can have. I have the best people in my family. I never suffered any need, not even when I was homeless. I have never been NOT healed of pain. I have no trouble with money, because God meets all my needs always. If I die today I have lived a life to the fullest with NO regrets, because for the last 33 years I have asked God to take care of every step I take, so I am sure that I am doing His will and not stray to the left or to the right of the narrow path that leads to this abundant life as Jesus calls it.

    Have I become perfect? Heck no! I doubt I will ever be perfect. I am very hard to live with, because I do not compromise my values. My husband and my children “suffer”  by my unbending, uncompromising ways. Coming from German descent doesn’t help with that stubbornness at all. Oh yes I am loving, but also truthful. The truth often hurts. We often have discussions (never argue, because who can argue absolute truth) about American corporations like Starbucks, Pepsi, Dairy Queen…...American consumerism. We all are in one accord about politics, since neither one of us like socialist and monarchs, unless Jesus is the King. It is difficult for people, because I just don’t “fit” in this earth and constantly raise the question: “Is this what God wants you to do?” That is my job! Praise God all in my family have a relationship with Jesus by their choice, not because I “indoctrinated“ them. It is awesome to see, how my grandchildren are starting to wonder what makes us “tick”. We certainly are a peculiar people and not like average Americans.


    Hope my story helps you understand why God and I have no use for religion:  The religious leaders of Jesus time killed Him, because He was not playing along with their pious religious rules of the law. And those religious leaders were the “CHOSEN” ones of Israel. God ‘s “Apple of His eye” as He calls Israel!  Religion is alive and well today, but not much longer, because God will separate the sheep from the goats.  Are you one of His sheep or are you one of “their” goats?

    Like I said: God doesn’t change. May be we should and be conformed to the image of Christ, the Messiah, God in bodily form.

    You might want to read my other stories in this category, which were originally written for my grandchildren. I will take no chances for them to be indoctrinated into some religion or fallacies, since I would love to take them to heaven with me. I would love to meet you there too.



    My oldest granddaughter and me, who learned to sew and crochet today at her Oma and Opa’s house..

    Tell me what you think or if I can help you in any way: Contact me


    My story

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